Why am I Single?

People always ask me this question so much I feel like I should just be honest and say what’s real. Usually when I am asked this question I give the common responses:

1. I haven’t met the right one
2. I’m getting to know me right now.
3. No one’s ready for me.
4. I’m not interested in anyone/ I don’t like anyone
5. I like being alone. Not ready to change my lifestyle to add someone new.

That’s usually just my vague way of responding to either get someone off my back or to avoid looking lame and unwanted. But, for one moment, I am going to bare all to my followers and those who care to read this. None of the above is 100% truth and I will explain why. (This is my first time being 100% honest of why I am single so bare with me lol)

I haven’t met the right one- There’s a big possibility that I have met the right one. There’s a possibility that I ran him off. There’s a possibility that I will never meet the one because I am extrememly introverted and I am also anti-social. This could be one of the biggest reasons why I am single. I will explain why I feel this way in a minute.

I’m getting to know me right now- Yeah I spend probably 95% of my time getting to know myself and I swear I learn something new each day. If getting to know me and what I like is what I have to achieve before I find love, I will most likely be single for the rest of my life. I am extremely indecisive and I will explain more about that in a minute as well. (hang in there…if ur still reading)

No one’s ready for me-  I agree with this but I think I agree with it so much that I don’t give people a chance to prove to me that they are ready for me.

I’m not interested in anyone/ I don’t like anyone- I think I purposely push guys away to make sure that I can continue to say this. Sadly, at this moment I really don’t have anyone that interest me. So we’ll move to the last one.

I like being alone. Not ready to change my lifestyle to add someone new- Anyone that knows me personally KNOWS I am a big loner. I take introvert to another level and things get extreme when you add that I am anti-social and shy. All of this multiplied to the tenth power because of my anxiety issues.

My anxiety is the ultimate reason why I am single. I spend so much time in my own head thinking of all the craziest scenerios that can take place that I never give anyone a fighting chance. If you come at me with some type of game I will see it a mile away and run in the opposite direction. Sometimes that’s not even the intent but my anxiety always makes me run. I don’t want to be the type the sees the signs but ignores it just for the sake of saying I have someone. I’ve seen too many of my friends and sisters played to not avoid the same situation. My imagination is out of this world so I mentally prepare myself for the worst in every relationship.

I’ve had 2 really good relationships in my life that I can honestly say that I was the reason that we’re no longer together. I spent most of the relationship in my own head with a full script for the both of us as if it were a tv show, but he wouldn’t get the script. And when he didn’t do what my script said I would think of the craziest things.

I have actually grown to accept that I will be single for the rest of my life and that no one is ready for me. In reality, I’m just not ready to expose all of me for someone to actually accept it…and for me to accept that they actually accept me. (make sense?) I don’t feel anyone should have to even deal with a person like me. It’s exhausting just for myself, I know it must be for someone else. And on the flip side, I’d date someone like me because they’d get me lol. See what I mean? Indecisive.

Don’t get me wrong now, there’s nothing wrong with being alone. And I actually enjoy being alone but I also LOVE love…and I love being in love. I’ve been single so long that I am not sure I am ready to let go the lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to as a loner. But I love love so what is a girl to do?

I wrote this mainly because I get asked this so much. Seems like people think I’m so chill lol. If you could spend an hour in my head you would tell me to chill and relax lol. Most people are quick to blame others for the reason that they are single forgetting that we all play a role in a relationship. Own up to what you did wrong that may have caused a relationship to fail or keeping you from finding a solid relationship. Whether it’s insecurities, jealousy, infidelity, selfishness, clinginess etc. If you don’t own up to it you will most likely repeat the same actions in your next relationship.

*Off my podium*

I’m not ready for love

I’m not ready for love
Love is ready for me
I hearing it knocking At every opportunity
I treat love like a jehovah’s witness or kids on Halloween pretending like no one’s home,
I’m usually nice but instead i act mean
I’m not ready for lies & heartaches True love has been disguise with alot of fakes
Trying hard to get thru
With the only intent to hurt you
So i run from love as much as i can…
dodging advances from every man
LOVE will one day catch me since i can’t run long
But the day it does this running will have made me strong!

-Slices of Mango

Gone are the days our kids could play outside

Remember when we used to play outside for hours? Remember walking to school in the morning? Gone are those days! My daughter plays inside because outside isn’t kid friendly anymore. Child hood obesity will continue to rise mainly cuz we fear to let our kids run and play outside like we did.
Children getting kidnapped and killed and most of the time murderers get off.
Trayvon was on his way from the store but because he looked suspicious he was followed and killed. Due to stand your ground laws the murderer gets off. Did he not have the right to stand his ground and fight for his life? I saw someone comment and said “this would never happen to my kids because they wouldn’t be out and they have morals”. Really? So Trayvon died because he lacked morals?
This could have happened to any child white or black. Teens are seldom at home. And any teen in that situation would have run & or fought. Someone follows you in America and you have no right to fight for your life but they have all the rights to bear arms. If that’s not ass backwards I don’t know what is.

I’m all over the place because these are my random thoughts. As a mother I’m angry. I was angry with the Casey Anthony case and I’m angry now because an innocent child got killed and this is affecting the life of children everywhere because justice doesn’t protect them like they should.
If you’re a mother or father and not upset our affected by this…I have no words for you. I pray no other parent has to go through something like this all because of a paranoid idiot.

-who the hell gave a license to someone with a criminal background?

-slices of mango

-Slices of Mango

Being A Good Catch

This will be a short analogy about “being a good catch. I hear all the time, people wondering why they’re still single. Most will always say: “I’m a great catch and have so much going for myself!” They start to list all the things they feel makes one a good catch. What I’ve learned is that you could be the best woman or man ever but you still won’t be good enough for someone who isn’t ready.

Throwing yourself at someone that’s not trying to catch u will definitely have u failing…u can’t be a good catch if Ur pitching to the wrong person. No matter how good of a catch u are they will still let u slip and fall.

-know who you’re pitching to!

 

-Slices of Mango

Have Your Priorities in Order/ Live Your Wage!

Today’s society has completely gotten their priorities out of order. More people are spending their last just to keep up with what they see celebrities have. Problem with that is you’re only making $7.50 an hour while the celebrity you’re copying makes millions. Why are you buying one outfit with your entire paycheck? Why aren’t you living your wage? 

Now let’s say you make a bit more than minimum wage but you’re still not making millions. You’re faced with the tragic question: should I pay this bill or buy this one purse that the celebrities have? 

If you have ever had to put shopping over your bills: Your priorities are completely wacked out of order! Now you’ll be inside of your apartment, with no lights, no gas, no phone, but you will have a really nice purse. You Go Girl! 

The worst for me are the parents who don’t understand how to prioritize. Your children should not look like they have no parents!Kids wearing hand-me-down clothes, shoes with holes in them, while you out there looking like you’re about to walk the red carpet every time you step out. If you both can’t look like a million bucks I suggest you go back and look at your finances and prioritize better.

Now I’ve been called cheap! Some have said “Mango, YOLO, just treat yourself!” (you can read my previous blog about how I feel on the word YOLO.) My thing is I feel like I am treating myself. Every time I pay my bills, I feel so relaxed and stress free! It’s a treat to me when I look at my check and say…wait…I don’t have a bill due this month! When that happens I save, spoil my daughter and treat myself to some hi-tech gadgets (I love smartphones and computers). 

There are so many ways to save, prioritize and live your wage. First things first create a spreadsheet with all yours bills and budgets. Find out first off where all your money is going and if it is not a necessity, minimize it or eliminate it! You do not need to go out to eat every month, every week or every day! Learn to cook!

When it comes to shopping, go through your closet if you have things in there that you have not worn, by golly WEAR THEM! Or sell them on Ebay! Stop buying clothes based off of brands your paycheck can’t support that. Brands don’t make the clothes look good you make it look good! Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses ’cause when you’re evicted and out in the streets the Joneses aren’t going to come help you.

-Focus on your needs, then your wants!!

-Slices of Mango

Don’t Hate the Playa???

Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. I’m sorry I don’t like neither of them. You would think that after the age of 25, that some of these adults would be done with the games. Sadly, there are people way over that age that think playing with people’s hearts is a fun little hobby. Now many folks automatically assume that a playa can only be a man, but contrary to popular beliefs women are playas too. Women have learned the game and are playing men right back. I don’t condone this but it is what it is.

Now, if you find yourself dealing with a playa, you have two options: PLAY ALONG OR MOVE ON!!!

You’ll know when you’re dealing with a playa if you pay close attention to their actions and their words as well. You will see the signs. The main reason people get played is because they choose to ignore the signs. Many of those who get played, have selective vision. Seeing what they wanna see because they really like the playa. Now, if you have selective vision you can always chose to focus on listening. Listen to what the playa says . They will show you through actions or words how serious they are about you.

One of the best moves a playa uses is the BAIT & SWITCH! They bait you then switch up on you after they either get tired of you or get what they wanted.

Scenario-

Guy meets girl. Guy shows a lot of interest in girl. Guy compliments girl a lot. Communication is on going, he never misses a beat when it comes to responding back.  Responses from text message come at a lightening speed.

Phone calls are long and interesting. He ask girl out on a date. Girl agrees.

Beware:  if he ask you to “Chill” he isn’t thinking about chilling. No matter what he says “chill” is code for extra-sexticular activities. (Yes I made that word up).

BAIT-

Now you chose to go out on a couple dates and feel as though things are just great between the two of you. You have lots of fun when you hang out. He’s still saying all the sweet things you wanna hear. You’re blinded by his game so much you decide to invite him over to “chill”.

SWITCH-

Fast forward a couple of days after the “chill”. You decide to text him since you haven’t really heard from him like you’re used to. He replies vaguely and the responses aren’t coming as quick as before. You call him and invite him over again. He suddenly has no time for you.

Now you’re left wondering what the heck. What did you do wrong? Did he lose interest? Did he meet someone new (more than likely he has already moved on to his next Bait & Switch action)? You began to question everything about yourself when you should be questioning everything about the playa. Think back! Did the playa tell you point blank that they weren’t ready for a relationship? Did the playa tell you they wanted to just be friends and “see where things go”?

-Side Note-

Friends do not have sex with each other. Unless you’re in the market for some FWB (Friends with Benefits), sex should not be included when someone says they wanna be friends. You most definitely do not need sex to see where things are going either. If someone is not feeling you in that way sex will not convince them to be with you. And if they say any of the following proceed with caution if you want:

1. I wanna take things slow
2. I just got out of a relationship
3. I’ve never had a girlfriend/boyfriend
4. I’m not looking for a relationship
5. I just wanna be friends and see what happens

Now I’ll conclude and say that not all people who say the above statements are playing games. Sometimes they really wanna go slow, rushing things has never made anything better. Some aren’t over their ex, never had an ex, and some love the single life. What I am saying is if you encounter the above situations proceed with caution. Pay attention to what is being said. Don’t get your feelings hurt when you were warned beforehand. Don’t get baited! Don’t get played!

-Play on or Move on!!!

-Slices of Mango

Can you recognize a good man?

Would you recognize him if he passed you by…

Would you stop dead in your tracks to tell him he’s appreciated…

So easily mistaken & overlooked is he…

A good man…

Sadly you’ve been played, blinded by the flashing illusion of what some claim is…

A good man…

You’ve been hurt so many times by the fakes that claim to be him you’ve been tricked by money , the status, sex, the looks, yes they look good…but are they?

A good man would u recognize his efforts would u recognize his drive to become something better?

Would you recognize him even tho he ain’t fly, rich or got it going on like that would u recognize this man?

The better question to ask is… could u handle…..A good man

The poem I wrote above, as well as the song sung by Ciara, both illustrate why many woman today might pass up a good man. This is not to be confused with the women today who typically like “bad boys’. Personally I like the good guys, the underdog, the nerd, the dude most chicks would put in the friend zone. The problem with that situation is that most of them like “bad girls”. It’s almost like we have this crazy craving to be hurt over and over again. I don’t care for a challenge. Love is not a game! Well at least not to me it isn’t!

Some of the “bad boys” are now pretending to be “good guys”! This is generally where a lot of women get fooled into dating a jerk. The first few days he says every thing you ever wanted to hear and you find yourself saying “Wow, he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy!” Then you meet the real him and regret it all and start to become a really big skeptic. Now you don’t know which is which, who is what, and you become jaded.

Some women would have the opportunity to meet a great guy and pass him up or treat him like garbage. Then proceed to whatever social media they have to complain about how there are no good men left in the world.

Some want an already established man. Looking for the come up might leave you down and out. In the past, many women have struggled with a man because they saw potential in him, believed in his dreams and ambition and support him in many ways so they can be established together.Now there’s a catch to this because you might struggle with this man only to have him leave you once he’s made it  and more than likely get him  a trophy wife. (which he will later complain is only with him for his money, divorce and take half of what you worked hard and helped him build, smh).

The other side of that is there are men out there looking for women to take care of them and don’t necessarily have dreams or ambition. Sadly women stay with these guys because of their plumbing skills of laying pipes.

Some women want a protector. A guy that they feel if a situation rises he can defend them physically. Some times these guys are the one these women needs protection from. This isn’t always the case but it has happened.

But, for the most part, many women have been hurt, cheated, mentally and physically abused and left confused. So they meet this once and a lifetime prince charming but can barely recognize him with all their past baggage in front of them. So many issues that make it hard to know who’s playing around and who’s not. And when they finally get this man that they have been dreaming of they can’t believe what is going on and lose sight of how to keep the man. You’ve wanted this man for so long…now he’s here…and you can’t even handle him.

So before you question where the good men are in this world. Question yourself first? Are you really ready for him? Will you do what it takes to keep him? Will you be his confidant, his support system, his backbone, his lover, his chef, the mother to his children, his queen? Are you really ready to recognize him and leave your past behind?

Keep looking in the past and you’ll trip on your future!!!

-Slices of Mango